spirital musings, mundane rantings and far more baloney
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
I'm feeling so devoid of life.
I spent the last 15 minutes trying to get a connection near the pool, literally hopping from one spot to another hoping to receive some decent signal from my neighbours. Infact, in total I went to 3 different areas and ended up at one which is just outside my house. And I'm using my own wireless connection this time. Hah.
Okay, these few weeks have been so lousy, it's forcing me out of my eggshell. I feel like transforming into the real me, not hiding behind some kind of religious facade and subdued by the entanglements of my own faith. It's totally wearisome trying to become someone that I'm not. I feel like I'm living in a bubble that's ready to explode anytime.
I have this little book which I carry with me wherever I go. It is the book of St Luke. And I have been trying to make some sense out of it. I don't understand how to bless a person who persecutes me all the time. The carnal side of me prays, "If it is your will, allow me to command fire from heaven and burn this dude to nothingness and may he find debauchery in the pitts of hell and also dance in the lakes of burning sulpur like the way he dances in zouk!" Right then, the spiritual kevin intercedes, "Lord, bless him who persecutes and may your love touches him as it melts his prodigal heart!" Sometimes, I'm really wish to pick the former. And I struggle so hard with it. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you for sinners do the same? But do good to those who curse you. And pray for those who plot to kill you.
I'm like OMG. I was about to replace that with WTF.
This is the real christian life, not the bed of roses as depicted by false literature. It's about doing what the word says and not yielding to the basic humane flesh, even if it seems totally irrational. Everyone in this world is finding some kind of contentment in life. Some people like having lots of money, believing that cash can buy them the finest things in the world. Some people like being notoriously famous. They pride themselves as the center of attraction and the star of every party.
Me? I'm a simple person actually. And there was a HSBC commercial which I identified very closely with. It says that life is wonderful when you have good health, financial stability and meaningful relationships. As I thought about it, I realised that every factor is dependent on each other. When you have a poor health, your finance suffers and your relationships with people strain. When you have poor finance, you work your butts off everyday and your health suffers.
To sum it all, I'm going to share one last point. One friend told me that everyone in this world is looking for joy. And the secret is this. The way to joy is to put Jesus first and Others before Yourself. Notice J.O.Y?
Hah. Some food for thought. I'm immensely glad that I could finally spend this coming weekend without any form of guard duties. So much for now.
WOW! We're being featured on Taiwan News! I wonder if I'm amidst the congregation! Hah!
I don't know if this would sound logical to you. But in this rapacious world that we live it, we tend to befriend people whom are likely an asset to us and discard those friends whom are seemingly a liability.
Remember that ostracized guy whom had no friends in class? Or the girl whom all the other girls bitched about during meal breaks?
This is such an innate trait in human beings.
Lepers in the bible times were rejected by the society. They were ostracized and shunned. Because of their contagious disease, everyone feared them. Often, their families turned their backs on them. Nobody dared touch or be near them and the poor lepers were left to die by themselves.
My High Priest however came to embrace them. That is love.
And I want to love others with that kind of love too.
Today is the day that the Lord has made It aint gonna be bad no I will celebrate Cus I know that His love for me Is larger than this world that's beneath me
How can I stand here and not say a word No I'm leaping I'm jumping with joy today When he has given His son Salvation enters into my heart
I'm not ashame (To proclaim of God's goodness) I'm not afraid (To stand against all odds) I know I'm stronger When I'm led by His power Oh yeah I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
In times of trouble I feel so small When all attempts fail in this lonely world God comes like a rushing wind Ready to save my fall
You know, it's funny to note how my own song can end up ministering to me.
The past few months has been rather upsetting as I battled (and am still battling) with working relations in camp, my personal relationship with God and the recent demise of my grandfather. As I was listening to this, the chorus kept reminding me not to be ashamed of the gospel and be dependent on God's strength.
The Fukuoka idea isn't as daft as it sounds. Or is it?
Anyone heard of daftpunk? No, it's not a brand of dog food.
I've checked with ZUJI.com.sg. This is one site that provides very comprehensive information on travel such as air fares, travelling plans and schedules. This is a sure commodity for any travellers.
Flying with Singapore Airlines will cost some S$1,200 which I think is insanely pricey. I think I could buy a plot of land and plant some coconut trees in Indonesia with that amount.
Some people think it's senseless to spend that kind of money. The rest think that I should just do it and not look back with regrets later.
To me, it's just a trip. A casual meet the friend trip. Not Meet The Fookers! Hah! And it's funny to note how some friends are making silly assumptions and a big wooha out of it. Recently, I got an imprudently vivacious and literally demented question like, "So are you gonna get laid there?"
I was quite troubled by this verse Matthew 7:21 that says, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven."
Fact of the matter is this. Many people proclaim themselves to be christians and believe that they will enter heaven when they pass on from this world. Thus, this verse provokes me because it says that only those who do His will, will make it to paradise.
So what happens to the people who believe in Jesus but not do His will?
There is a fine line drawn from a convert, to a believer and to a disciple. Essentially, there are many people who accept God as their Savior. They attend church every Sunday, don a crucifix on their necks and participate in weekly rituals but ultimately fail to put Christ as Lord over their lives. They lead double lives - holy on the weekends and otherwise on the weekdays. They never know anything about the great commandment or obey the great commission. Life is easy sailing and doing whatever that pleases their humane flesh.
No wonder the bible says that a Christian life is pretty much like a servant life. Who on earth, enjoys the idea of being a servant anyway?
Perhaps my grandfather belonged to that category. Though he had received Christ into his life some 3 years back, he had never shared the gospel or read the bible. He had never really prayed or attempted to perform the holiest things. Nevertheless, he had the joy of attending cantonese church for a couple of months before his meek body robbed him of that opportunity and convenience.
This afternoon, I was encouraged by what the pastor preached during the last service before the cremation. He shared about the 2 thieves whom were alongside cruficied with Christ on the hill. One of the thieves jeered at Jesus, "If you are King of the Jews, save yourself." But the other thief rebuked him and said, "We have been condemned justly .. but this man has done nothing criminal." Then he turn to say to Jesus, "Remember me when you come into your kingdom." And Jesus replied, "I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise."
Had the second thief begged for forgiveness or made an offering to the temple? Spilt a sea or killed a giant?
No, all he did was simply acknowledge the sacrificial lamb of God. And that was enough.
And with that thought, I was comforted. For I know I will be seeing my grandpa in Heaven someday.
My heart is so small, I could hardly feel a thing.
Am I being apathetic?
A while ago, I watched a news report on TV mobile about a spasm of school bombings. One little girl in her tudong cried on the camera, "What do they want to bomb my school? If they have a heart, what is their heart made of?"
One friend told me that there're 2 things that cannot be done in heaven.
Firstly, no one is able to commit any sin because our bodies are transformed into heavenly beings and are not longer enslaved to a humane earthly nature. Secondly, nobody evangelizes, pretty much for the same reason.
I hope there won't come a time when I look back to the other life and wish I have had evangelized more. Because when the final trumpet sounds, the verdict is sealed.
Last week, I was fascinated by this quote - Preach all the time and unless necessary, use words!
I find myself really busy lately. Seems like there are many things fighting for my attention. And with that puny amount of time I have at home everyday, it is difficult to make time for everything - church, friends, family, film, music and even myself. Sometimes I would love to entertain the thought of rewarding myself with a game of DOTA. And then I realised I could have accomplished more in that 1 hour of senselessly slaughtering virtual characters.
I'm falling in love with Craig David's Unbelievable.
R&B ain't really my genre but I'm starting to embrace this new style. Growing up with NSYNC & Backstreet boys (or backside boys?), bubblegum pop inevitably became my thing. And Ping is perpetually yammering over my lyrically shallow pop tunes.
These are some people whom I want to thank for alleviating my rather rotten day.
Most beloved cell group leader, mentor, friend & Ta Jie Jie. Thank you for the prayers at the wee hours of the morning when I called. And also the encouragement and heart-warming SMSes you sent me. Definitely, I have learnt more in the solitude of my room than the hours spent on stage and perhaps, performing and strutting my stuff for my little own glory and gratification. Today, I was reminded about the I-axle and the Christ axle. I want my life to be driven and complete by the latter. Thank God for Pastor Kong.
My true brother, camp pal, talk-cock buddy, movie enthusiast partner. Thank you for your advice and concern and how you would selflessly offer to carry a chunk of this burden. If there's one reason for me to heave a sign of relief, it would be you.
Friend, little sister, possibly .. a fan? Thank you for all the energy you have shown me since the beginning of the competition. I still remember during the audition when you were helpful to lend me a guitar. I remember the encouraging words you said to me each time I walk past you in the hall. And I can never forget how you actually called me in the afternoon just to tell me that you've prepared a banner for me! Thank you so much sister. You moved me alot, alot.
Ming Jie, Kim, Han Nee, Crist, Clarence, Yi Liang, HuiMin, Kailing, Adraint & Jer
My wondrous W408 siblings in Christ. My family. My friends. Thank you for ALL ALL ALL the encouragement! It was massive; my inbox was packed with at least 15 SMSes! Your words have transformed the dull moments of the afternoon and the night into something positive, strong and heartening. Ming Jie wrote, "Hey Kel, hope that you're fine. Stay strong. You're the champion in our hearts." My heart melted when I saw that message. And I couldn't help but smile. BIG HUGS!
Often we undergo adversity and when a breakthrough seems like the most unlikely thing to happen, it's humane to question just like the doubting thomas.
God, aren't you the sovereign creator of the Heavens and the Earth? How could you allow something like that to happen to me? Aren't you going to care or save me from these afflictions? Can't you see? Can't you hear?
The Psalm declares: "I will lift up my eyes to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the maker of heaven and earth."
I personally believe that God freely gives us all good things. However, there are times when God allows not so nice situations to happen to us. He did not plan for them, but he allows them to occur.
There is one not-so-nice situation that is taking place in my life lately, which also has caused alot of grief. Many times I tried to believe in faith that God will turn things upside down but week after week, the ideal is far from reach. So when doubts of his love and refudge came daunting my mind, I naturally wrestled with God.
There is one thing that was especially evident during this period however.
I grew closer to Him. I may not conduct myself as the holiest of holy at this point. But my dependency on Him enlarged as I began to yield. I could put all the blame on God and walk away from the faith, Look God, you aren't really the saviour you call yourself to me. Instead, my situation revealed to me that there will be times when human strength fails, when naked eyes fail to see, when human wisdom fails and when the great plans are defeated.
Ultimately, are we that in control of our lives?
If you're also going through a rough patch, perhaps, it's God's way of saying, Come hide under my wings. We'll walk through these paths of rocky grounds together.
twenty-something. a child of God. aspiring singer songwriter. singaporean. extrovert. black eyes. daydreamer. right handed. guitarist. loves writing.
perpetually retarded. love comedies and ogling at pretty girls. perfectly heterosexual.
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